Roots of My Self- Esteem
by Sandister Tei
Dear Marissa,
I remember the days when we would disarm insecure people fronting to be confident by the way we just looked at them. I remember you saying it was for their good that they cure their deepest insecurities rather than pretending they’ve got it together. Months ago I went shopping and you know how glass doors intimidate me. I just couldn’t get this one open. A woman inside motioned impatiently for me to push it and starred me down afterwards. To me, she was trying to convince me right there with her condescending stare down that I was a klutz. That stare down was too familiar. In her script, that was the part where I become flustered and very embarrassed in front of the other customers. All because of what? I couldn’t open a glass door?
You said we all have things we can’t figure out and if others ridicule us based on that, they are only telling us the truth. You beat it into me that my sense of self- esteem should root deep into my existence and that alone. Once I’m alive, I’m not worthless. Years ago, I’d feel bad all day for what had happened and brood over it but now that’s not the case.
We live in a society where everyone is trying to save face and people are afraid to look stupid. I am not encouraging goofing but the truth is little incidents as these should not influence self-esteem. Not in any way.
I wish everyone could root their self- esteem deeper than such petty events as tripping in public or fumbling with speech because the only thing important now is our existence.
We are more than the stupid things we mistakenly utter. We are more than the silly mistakes we make. We are more than the grammatical errors in foreign languages. We are more than a rip in our clothes or booger in our noses which someone points out to us. We are more than the temporary ‘fools’ we make of ourselves.
Self- esteem ought to be rooted in better things.
