by Sandister Tei
Seeking (with humilty) = finding (light) = awareness = better choices
Seeking = light= better choices
I have been MIA I know. It is not because I have nothing to say to you, inspiration is just low. And when I am without inspiration, baby I’m just a fake.
I owe you accounts — Daddy’s interview, my trip to Tamale, Pepe’s homicide and the subsequent ban of Dettol use in my house since it reminds mum of the morgue … The new ‘fish’ in my net or the new ‘net’ that has caught me rather.
Before everything else, I bid late ex. president John Fiifi Atta Mills farewell. And for his biological family and the rest of the Ghanaian fam, I offer condolence. After Pepe died I now know what it feels like to lose somebody. We lose. We lose jobs, money, wives, boyfriends, mobile phones … but when you lose someone whom you have memories with to death, then you know what “lose” really means. It’s painful. Mills’ death is painful.
Moving on, these days I have been thinking a lot about “light” and reuniting with my practice of seeking it. You see in my childhood I was terrified of the dark. I would be so gay during the day but when night began to fall, fear found my heart. During blackouts I would sit by lanterns or lit candles until my mother took me to bed. Even my night dress caught fire from a candle once. It was quite tragic but Mum quenched the flames and saved my life.
As I began to mature, without reading any literature or hearing someone talk about it, I observed the similarity between being in darkness and being ignorant. Full blown ignorance then causes fear and panic, waste of time and resources, confusion and mortality. I used to think and still do that when in darkness (proverbially speaking), the moment light shines upon you and your environment you will be immediately zapped out to redemption (yeah zapped). You will see everything and know what there is to know about your situation and with the influx of new awareness, you become some kind of force. Knowing the truth sometimes exposed me to more fear but there were higher truths that counselled me not to fear.
I became fond of John 1:5. My preferred version reads “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” It makes more sense when you compare this thought to the fact that knowledge or education is what no one can take from you. There is no comeback for ignorance where knowledge has flown its flag.
I started realizing that:
there are times we fear for nothing
there are times we work toward an end for nothing as well
there are times we love, and it would have been better not to have gone there at all
there are times we win, and soon it is evident it was but a fleeting harvest
there are times we fight and it is in vain
Marissa had we had light shinning in those moments, removing the scales from our eyes, oh what better decisions and directions we would have taken. But I believe in the lessons of The Three Grains. The past is in the past.
Having light in my life hasn’t made me perfect. I simply have understanding. Understanding in one aspect also hasn’t guaranteed understanding in all other aspects. It simply encourages me to get more understanding. I get peace of mind.
Marissa seek light. Light is the understanding of people and situations. It makes you empathetic towards that which will anger others. My grandma puts it like this, ” Emerɛ bᴐne mu a amanfoᴐ emini mini faso, ɛbu akatanfuni no, na wo deɛ w’ayɛ din ɛhwɛ adeɛ.” Meaning in in times when others are panicking, flipping over, being beside themselves, you will observe unperturbed because you have understanding.
Know what you are looking for. Seek for light to look for what you are looking for. Learn to become a seeker. When the light comes, step into that goddamn consciousness. Use that new awareness to promote and develop yourself. Be not like the swine that goes back and rolls in the mud after it has been given a good bath.
Light doesn’t move objects, it simply makes you aware of them. Is there anything you cannot do when you are aware of what to do, Marissa?