Letters To Marissa

Tag: Cowardice

Big Koi don’t play it safe

Dear Marissa,

This letter was meant for October 28. I am late but, better late than never.

Two weeks ago was BarCamp Tema. I had a good time. I came back home learned. Chemphe, a speaker had some strong points to make about talents which atrophy for the lack of use. I knew he was talking to me. I got up today and said, “I have to write to Marissa.” I “rummaged” through my drafts and I had 35 letters waiting to be sent to you . I haven’t done well. I settled for this quick one about going out there, growing and claiming new territories.

So Marissa some time back my personal Bible study with UCB Word for Today had me reading about a Dr. Robert Schuller whose hobby is raising Koi fish.

Asked why some grow big while others stay small, he replied, ‘If a koi fish lives in a small tank it will never grow longer than two or three inches. In a larger pond they can grow up to ten inches long, in ponds the size of mine they’ll get to be eighteen inches long-but if they live in a huge lake where they can swim and stretch, they can grow up to three feet long. The size of the pond determines the size of the fish.

Get that? The size of the damn pond, determines the size of the damn fish.

This comparison is for all of us who like to play it safe.

Some weeks ago someone contacted me with a job opportunity outside Accra. Momma knew and when she asked me about it, I told her I didn’t want it. She wanted me to go get it because it was within my scope of interest, I get to work in a multinational organisation and so on. But I had excuses which now sound “not serious” and weak. Mum looked at me like I was crazy and asked (in Twi), “Is that how you plan on living the rest of your life?”

You see for genuine health reasons I hate mental strain or things or people that push me to it. Life has been one safe endeavour and relationship after the other. I like to call it doing what I want but it’s becoming more of cowardice and stagnancy. But life has always made it such that a step outside my comfort zone always earned me a worthwhile achievement and more confidence… A new honorary badge on my uniform.

I know, if you’ve been living safe not because of any tangible reason but fear, the love of comfort and other flimsy reasons, I tell you, you start to get hungry at some point. You seem cool to others but you know in your heart that you can be better and you get restless. When you are on the way to becoming better that’s different. You are a working progress. But when you are marking time because you are busy staying safe; staying safe from rejection, heartbreak, failure or whatever, then there’s a problem.

You know Marissa someone wanted to make a radio show out of the letters I write to you. But I said to myself, “Oh I don’t write that regularly and so there wouldn’t be consistent content.” I didn’t want to disappoint anybody. I never went to get the demo done.  But Marissa I could have rather made it a point to now challenge myself to write more and then grab that deal. I didn’t even think it through.

I look at people, my friend Akwasi is role model. He left Accra out of his comfort zone to pursue agriculture and he is doing real things out there. He did it for himself and his dreams. He had insecurities though. It is such people who do big things  and end up saving the world.  Dad is one hell of a safe player too. I remember advising him some few weeks ago about launching his dreams, going hard or going home. I guess I have to now remove the log from my own eyes and leave his speck alone.

I gotta bounce now. I have a social media meeting. I promise I will write again this week. Remind me. No joke.

To sign off, I recap: big Koi don’t play it safe. Big Koi are not found in fish tanks. They are in the lakes rolling with other big Koi. They may be afraid being in the wild but they are there. They stay and swim it out and grow. I want to be big Koi.

Intensity

Dear Marissa,

With regard to careers and men, I was a rolling stone gathering no moss.  I was interested in pursuing all my interests at the same time and I could keep the company of many men. I wouldn’t decide where to sow my seeds definitely…  Fickleness lurked within.

I wasted time and energy Marissa, sh*t loads of time and energy with my lack of definite choices.  My excuse? I was afraid to make a wrong choice. I was afraid of regrets; of the inner critic that would torture every second of my life with “I told you so, I told you not to choose this.”  I wondered how I was going to live with myself if I made the wrong move permanently. I was afraid I will miss out on the party that waits at the end of the right path should I take the left, and serotonin levels in my body were fueling this inner fire  as well.  I wanted to be perfect and I also knew that I had the luxury of time and having many options. In retro, that now seems to me like the curse of possibilities and having potential. Read the rest of this entry »

The Baptism Of Cowardice

Cowardice [ków ərdiss]
noun
Lack of courage

Dear Marissa,

I know you have been in this position in love before so help me with this one.

Do you know what the baptism of cowardice is?

Have you been baptized with cowardice before?

Is there something you needed to say to your partner or someone but you were afraid to?

Did you fall out of love with him? Or did you tell him you love him and now you want to back out of it?

Was he priority but now isn’t and you are afraid to say?

Did you find him intriguing but now you are bored? Are you hiding this truth from him because you don’t want him to get hurt?

Have you started distancing yourself from him? Do you know that your actions without even saying you don’t love him anymore are even going to hurt him more?

You just can’t say it can you?

Have you filled his head with promises and now you can’t keep?

Did you bed him or kiss him and now you aren’t feeling it anymore?

You don’t know what to say so now you say nothing to him?

Did you think you loved him and even said the three famous words and now you are not too sure?

Has he become so passé? Are you afraid to admit it?

That is the baptism of cowardice.

Marissa, some people have been baptized with cowardice. Such people have things to tell but are afraid to. They may have fallen out of love with you, even when they said they love you and will never stop loving you and now want to back out of it. You used to be priority but now you aren’t and they are afraid to say it. They found you intriguing but now they are bored.

Sometimes I witness people talking happily on the cell phone. Right after they hang up, they sigh and frown still looking at phone. Sometimes people also check their caller’s ID, make faces before they receive the call. People are just afraid to express how they truly feel. They fear the consequences of alienating themselves from the other person they can’t stand anymore. They are just putting up with them for benefits and fear. They have been baptized with cowardice.

They usually hide this truth from them because they don’t want them to get hurt or make them seem frivolous, which of course they are so they start distancing themselves, hoping this person will disappear into thin air.Their actions without even saying they don’t love them or want them around anymore become obvious but the only difference is they haven’t found the courage to tell so the others keep wasting their time trying to fix things. That hurts them more than if they had just been told the truth.

Mari, sometimes people become complacent because they have you now. Then, they chased you all over the place and now they are overdosed with you and they want to get away. They filled your head with promises, now they can’t keep.You were intimate and now they aren’t feeling it anymore.They don’t know what to say so they say nothing to you. They may even think they thought they loved you and even said the three famous words to you but now they are not too sure. You’ve become so passé and they are afraid to admit it.

Freaking baptism, cowardice sprinkled on their souls, muting them…

In life you can find yourself on either side of the table no matter who you are. However if you are the one who needs to come clean, listen, speak the truth, cut them smooth and don’t waste someone’s time.

I think I need to take this advice myself.

ttys, Sandister

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